Another reason not to drink Bud

In addition to its tasting like beer-flavored ice tea (which Snapple would do much better), another good reason not to drink Bud is the slimy, high-handed, manner in which the current CEO, August Busch IV is treating his shareholders and workers.

A-B is a publicly held company (NYSE: BUD), which closed today at $62.12. InBev, the Belgian brewer of Bass, Stella Artois, Beck's and other European brands recently offered $65 per share for A-B, and A-B is doing everything it can to fight the takeover. While it is A-B’s legal and fiduciary responsibility to do what is best for the shareholders, it is common enough for CEOs and their cohorts to fight to maintain their own soft lifestyles first, and let their shareholders take the hind teat.

But at BUD it isn’t enough to screw some other bunch of corporate eunuchs; today, “4” as he is known to friends, family and sycophants, announced that A-B will be cutting 1,000 jobs and reducing pension payouts by up to 15%. They also plan to raise health insurance premiums, co-pays and deductibles for all employees, and reduce funding of their long-term incentive plans by 20-40%, in an attempt to raise the stock price enough to fend off InBev.

BUD is reasonably profitable – profitable enough that these draconian moves weren’t necessary until “4” was threatened with loss of control of the A-B air force, private security detail, and a waterfall of other company-supplied perks.

“4” the ultimate example of corporate, hereditary entitlement; he already lives like a Pasha, but is fully prepared to screw the people who make his beer, and eat the corporation’s seed-corn, as well, if it will keep him in total control of the company he does not even own. I’m sure the SEC will step in at any moment to protect the rights of the shareholders (not!)

By the way, this guy, the perfect example of a person born on third base who woke up thinking he hit a triple, had a rocky road to the top of A-B. He killed a passenger in his Corvette, a young girl, while he was in college. Two years later he was charged with trying to intentionally hit two policemen during a high-speed chase in his Mercedes. Good lawyering prevailed and “4” served no time.

It’s not really a sacrifice for me, but I’ll be drinking no Buds for a while.

Miscellaneous

New York Times headline today: “U.S. Freezes Solar Energy Projects.” I’m sorry, is the oil crisis over? I thought it hit $140 yesterday. This ranks right up there with the law that prohibits the government from negotiating with pharmaceutical companies to get lower drug prices for Medicare recipients.

“A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.”

One sentence. 27 words. But nine of the most highly educated judges in America can’t agree on what it means. Amazing.

A group called the Presidential Memorial Commission in San Francisco is trying to get a sewage treatment plant named for George Bush. I get the joke, but these people should just let it go. All they’re doing is pouring gasoline on the cultural bonfire that I believe both John McCain and Barack Obama are sincerely trying to extinguish.

Don’t miss this: Many people have sent me their own favorite George Carlin lines this past week. They are all great. And HBO2 has been running all his old HBO specials all week -- I watched as much as I could. But this Saturday night on NBC, Saturday Night Live will rebroadcast the very first SNL, which Carlin hosted. I’m really looking forward to it.

RIP George Carlin

“The weather was dominated by a large Canadian low, which is not to be confused with a Mexican high. Tonight’s forecast . . . dark, continued mostly dark tonight turning to widely scattered light in the morning.”

One day about ten years ago, after lunch with a friend at the Athletic Club, as we walked down 6th Avenue back to work, talking about the George Carlin special we'd seen on HBO the night before, laughing our asses off, I spotted the man himself down the block coming our way. I couldn't believe it, but as he got close enough for me to be sure, I pointed at him and said, "We were just talking about you!"

He never slowed his pace, dropped into a Grocho crouch-walk, cocked his head, pointed back at me, and in one of his weirdo stage voices replied, "Something good I hope!" I loved the guy. He spoke the truth. Here's a transcript of him riffing on transhumanism:

"I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond! I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive and from time to time I’m radioactive. Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial! I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers. I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child that sends me hate mail. But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant. I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the “F” word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in, there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and out!"

Eliminate corporate taxes

Corporate income taxes are counterproductive for several reasons. There are only three things a corporation can do with the money it takes in: it can spend it on goods and services, it can return it to shareholders, or it can give it to the government as taxes. This last option is the least good for the economy.

They represents only about 14% of government receipts in the first place, but the rate US corporations pay is among the highest in the world, which reduces US competitiveness and tends to drive prices higher. We’d be far better off if that money – about $370 billion last year – were spent on more goods and services, or were paid out as dividends to individuals or mutual funds, where taxes will then be paid.

The second reason to do away with them is that they are hugely inefficient. Since corporations hate to pay them, they employ tens of thousands of lawyers and accountants whose sole purpose in life is to find ways to avoid paying those taxes. In turn, the government has to employ similar numbers to fight the corporate suits. But the corporate guys have bigger budgets and hire the smartest of the smart, and more of them. They set up foreign holding companies and offshore operations that further damage the US economy. It’s a battle in which the government is always playing catch-up and the corporations are playing the four-corner defense. Cases drag on for years. Millions get spent on both sides in non-productive activities that drive both corporate strategy and government policy in directions they would not otherwise take because of this endless game of hide and seek.

Corporate taxes also foster corruption. Corporate taxes are not the only reason we have lobbyists, but they are a major contributor. Business and industry sends lawyers and lobbyist to Washington and state capitals around the country in an effort to shape public policy, and to even write legislation, in order to minimize the tax consequences to their paymasters. I don’t know if you’ve noticed. But occasionally one of those lobbyists will even cross the line and procure liquor, drugs, sex, and even cash, for legislators who are willing to play ball with them. Even when no laws are broken, the lobbyists have become critical players in the financing of election campaigns for the same people who write the laws -- probably not what Jefferson, Adams el al had in mind.

Finally, the whole thing is a sham. Politicians use business as a shell game to hide taxes that only real people can pay. After all, if you own stock, mutual funds, an IRA, 401-k or have a pension plan, these taxes are coming out of your pocket in the form of reduced profits; and even if you don’t, they cost you in the form of increased prices and decreased honesty in government.

Doing away with corporate taxes will increase US competitiveness, increase investment, will make it easier to increase wages, decrease prices, and hire more people. It will force some lawyers and accountants to find honest work, and will reduce the influence of lobbyists and business with politicians and legislators. All in favor, say: “Aye!”

Post 100

This is post #100 for The Daily Blank, so I thought I’d celebrate by posting some meaningless drivel.

What kind of year did you have in 2007? I thought I’d had a pretty good year, but here are some teenagers who made more than me:

• Miley Cyrus: $25 million
• Daniel Radcliff: $25 million
• Jonas Brothers (some Disney concoction): $12 million
• Zach Efron: $5.8 million
• Ashley Tisdale: $5.5 million
  
  

Don Cornelius sold Soul Train for an undisclosed amount this week. The new owners plan to redistribute it in every form except suppositories. To see the classic click here.

The whole Fox News, “Obama’s baby mama” thing kind of disappeared quickly. I thought that would have more legs. I guess Michelle’s appearance on The View went well. She and Cindy McCain should do their own talk show. Cindy did The View a couple months ago. She could get Bud to sponsor it.

Why isn’t anyone engaged that the Federal government hasn’t helped more people in the Midwest flood zone? Why no outrage aimed at the Army Corp of Engineers over inadequate levees?

Did you know everyone used to eat a completely different kind of banana than we eat today, and that it was considered to taste much better than the current variety, the Cavendish? It’s true – I read it in the New York Times.

Would anyone like to know why we should abolish corporate income taxes? I have the answer.

Lance, Tiger and Tim

George Carlin’s last HBO special started with him saying something along the lines of, “F*** Lance Armstrong. And while you’re at it, f*** Tiger Woods, too. I’m tired of television telling me who to admire.”

Well, I’m feeling like, f*** Tim Russert. Don’t get me wrong. I am certainly sorry he died (he was younger than me for God’s sake), and I’m sorry for the friends and family who have lost him. Apparently he was a really good guy. I admired his loyalty to his hometown and I even watched his show regularly.

But please don’t tell me was some kind of hero. This is nothing more than television’s overpowering, self-reverential, PR machine gone into overdrive. Seventeen American soldiers have been killed in Iraq this month, and all of them put together didn’t get as much time as NBC has given Russert’s passing. It’s cheap programming and they can do what they do best -- lay on the bathos with a 2-quart ladle. I predict a summer replacement series on NBC Tuesday nights: “Tim Russert is Still Dead.” They do him no service.

And don’t deify this guy’s professional persona. He was just the most successful color-commentator for the world’s most powerful political league; a league that only allows two teams. His success depended on access to the players for those two teams, so he never asked the really tough questions. His shtick was reading people their quotes from the past and making them reconcile them with their current positions. But everyone knew that before they showed up on Meet The Press and were either ready for it, or became the road-kill they deserved to be in the first place.

There is no one on TV asking tough questions. It isn’t what they do.

The view from abroad

At the suggestion of the great Nimzy I bought last week's (6/7-13) issue of the Economist for their take on the U.S. primaries. It was a really interesting look at our process through English eyes, stripped of the baggage American journalists bring to the process. They bring their own baggage, but it is a refreshing change and offers new insights.

For example, many of us see the primaries as overly long, overly expensive and inefficient. But they remind us that this is the only country in the world where this process takes place, publicly and with the participation of everyone who wants to participate, while the rest of the world nominates its party representatives behind closed doors. Any American journalist saying such a thing would either be kicked out of the journalism club for boosterism or hired by Fox.

There were lots of other interesting observations; perhaps my favorite, in part because it is so British in tone, is their take on Bill Clinton's role in Hillary's campaign: "Most Democrats love him. But he is also a cad and a narcissist."

Never mind

Just when I thought Senator Obama was showing some evidence that he might be an exceptional executive he makes the bonehead move of selecting, and quickly having to fire, James Johnson as his VP screener.

Johnson was an oddball choice to begin with and then it turns out he accepted sweetheart loan deals from a company he was doing business with while running Fannie Mae. Maybe all it shows is how hard it is to find an honest person in Washington, but he had Caroline Kennedy on the committee, too. How bad a job could she have done?

Gail Collins does a better job than me of pointing out what a ridiculous mistake this was in her New Time Times column today.

The Barack Advantage

It was clear that Barack Obama had a money-raising machine since he threw his hat in the ring last fall. Then I read recently about his nearly 8-1 advantage in campaign staff over John McCain. Then last week, Rupert Murdoch may, or may not, have predicted an Obama landslide victory in the fall. At minimum, he called Barack “a rock star” and whatever you think of Rupert, he rarely backs losers.

In light of all this I wanted to look more deeply into Obama’s organizational but the current (June 16) issue of Time beat me to it and laid it all out in “How He Did It,” a fascinating, in-depth recounting of how he and his closest supporters built the most effective, grassroots, national political organization -- maybe ever.

They used a creative, decentralized, technology-driven, fiscally conservative, organization to overwhelm Senator Clinton’s old-fashioned, top-down, Washington-centric, throw-cash-at-it, and ultimately disorganized and non-strategic operation. It was like Google versus the US Postal Service. It’s an excellent article.

My fear is that the general campaign is going to be Google versus Bob’s Hardware Store. That’s the way it is starting out. Obama has more than twice as much cash on hand as McCain, and a far better organization to go with the ultimate advantage of having no association what-so-ever with George W. Bush.

I’m starting to wonder if maybe old Rupert may be on to something.

Our first black President

Not so fast all you Obamamaniacs. Perhaps you are not aware that many historians believe that this honor was already won by our 29th President, Warren G. Harding. According to a recent New York Times article, President Harding may well have had an African-American great-grandmother.

While probably best know for the Teapot Dome scandal, I've always admired him for having several high school pals either in his cabinet or as close advisers. One of them rented a house near the White House where they regularly played poker, drank, and may possibly have entertained some ladies.

The evidence is inconclusive, but as a proud graduate of Warren G. Harding High School in Warren, Ohio, I hope it is true. Ohio gave flight and light to the world, but the last couple of decades have been tough for the Buckeye state. This is an honor that can bring the spotlight home again.

No recount?

Panel 1: [Florida] "Every vote must count."

Panel 2: [Florida & Michigan] "Whatever"

2-1/2 speeches

I watched 2-1/2 political speeches last night. Hillary was Hillary. She’s gotten better from the podium, but what she had to say couldn’t have made anyone happy except a minority of the people who voted for her. And Barack was Barack. He had 20,000 people under a big dome in Minneapolis, and he knows how to fire them up. He didn’t start until around 10:30, and listening was a little like eating a big snack of empty calories late at night. When it’s all over and you ask yourself what he said, the answer isn’t really very substantive.

But it was John McCain speech that disappointed the most. The substance and specifics were there, and he certainly made it clear that he was no fan of George Bush’s policies on the war, disaster relief, fiscal policy, energy policy, international relations, and several other fronts.

But it was a badly delivered speech, poorly staged and poorly conceived. It used to be that whatever else was true, the Republicans could stage a hell of an event, with no detail too small to obsess over. But this was held in a small town near New Orleans in what looked like a high school gym. When the crowd of maybe a couple hundred cheered or booed the echoes were reminiscent of a homecoming pep rally.

Worse, the rhetorical theme he kept returning to was sighting something Obama said or did, that he would never do or say, and punctuating the point with the line, “that’s not change we can believe in,” a counter to Obama’s “change we can believe in” slogan. McCain is also now using the slogan, “A Leader We Can Believe In.”

Questionable grammar aside, it makes no sense to run a campaign that plays off your opponents themes, especially when your opponent is likely to outspend you more than 2 to 1. There’s a long way to go, but the national McCain organization has around 90 employees and Obama has over 700. McCain has raised $96.7 mm and Obama has raised $265.4 mm. These things matter. Republicans have usually had the most professional marketing organization behind them, but this seems very amateurish so far.

In case you’re thinking he can make up the difference with so-called free media, the reason I called this post “2-1/2 speeches” is that CNN broke in half way into the McCain speech last night for a “major, major projection” that Obama was going to get the nomination. Wow. There’s some breaking news for you.

Bo Diddley, RIP

I walk 47 miles of barbed wire,

I use a cobra-snake for a necktie,

I got a brand new house on the roadside,

Made from rattlesnake hide,

I got a brand new chimney made on top,

Made out of a human skull,

Now come on take a walk with me, Arlene,

And tell me, who do you love?