The d’blank Doctrine

The events in Egypt have been both riveting and frustrating. The speed with which a motivated group of people have been able to move to the brink of remaking an entire society has been stunning and inspiring. However it’s been painful to hear the street voice of Cairo tie the dictator Mubarak to the United States. We are supposed to be the beacon of liberty that lights the world.

Egypt was an opportunity to be a role model for 80 million people in the most powerful Middle Eastern Islamic country, but it is not to be the case. “Made in USA” stamped on the tear gas canisters trumps anything President Obama or Secretary of State Clinton can possibly do or say at this point.

Had I been President we would be operating under The d’blank Doctrine, which says that the United States will never align itself with a despotic government and will always take the side of the forces working for freedom and democracy.

Is that Pollyannaish? I don’t think so. What has our support for anti-democratic regimes ever done for us? We’re still at odds with Iran more than 30 years after the Shah’s brutal dictatorship collapsed. I just returned from Chile where the U.S. is not hated, but people have not forgotten our role in the overthrow of Allende. Kuwait dragged us into one war. Saudi Arabia breeds terrorists. Cuba nearly precipitated a nuclear war out of frustration with Yankee-supported dictators. Has our support for the wrong guy in any of these countries made us safer?

The benefits far outweigh the risks. Democracy and freedom are the central promises of the American brand. America is aspirational. We need to be on the right side in situations like Egypt’s. That knowledge alone gives confidence and motivation.

There is a clear global trend towards democracy. More than 85 authoritarian governments have fallen in the past few decades. The United States should stand with the people seeking freedom in foreign lands, not just because it is right, but because they will stand with us once they achieve the freedom the crave.

Technology blues

I try to upgrade my computer and related technology occasionally; never sooner than until I’m at least two operating systems behind but never longer than the time period between Democratic administrations.

I just updated last week – got a new Dell notebook with a beautiful 17” HD display, a Bluetooth mouse and plenty of memory. I have much less enthusiasm for everything else about this upgrade.

Much of my frustration is with Microsoft, which insists on changing everything about the user’s experience on every bit of their software as often as possible. My beef is mainly with Windows and Word. The easier it was to find and use some feature in the previous versions, the more likely they are to have changed or moved it in the new version. There is a huge learning curve every time you update which is a real disincentive to do so.

I knew this was coming so I paid and extra $100 for the Dell “Premiere” support package, but no documentation of that came with the computer; it took over an hour to figure out how to access it. Whenever I called (and I tried from three different phones) I got a crystal clear greeting and phone menu, then some whirls, clicks and whistles as the call was switched to and answered in Bangalore. At this point the quality of the connection degraded by about 60% and became very poor.

When I finally got a person on the line it got worse. Let me digress first and say that I barely speak one language well, and I have great admiration for anyone who masters more than one. But mastering a language and speaking clearly aren’t the same things, and between the bad connection and the Indian accents I wasn’t getting anywhere transferring my iTunes library from one PC to the other. I guess it was a blessing in disguise because I eventually gave up and figured it out myself, so now I have a few more tech chops than I had before.

And I swore I was going to finally get a handle on backing up data with this machine, so I bought Dell’s online back-up service, but again they sent no documentation. After another hour or so I got that working and up pops a little box telling me it will take 12 hours to back everything up and the PC and internet have to be on the whole time. OK, but unfortunately after about 10 hours the internet farted, interrupting the back-up and forcing me to start over. Second time worked like a charm until 11 hours and 30 minutes when another box informed me I had too much data for the plan I bought and that I should “click here to upgrade and start over.” I declined. I’m going back to random backing up by hand; if I lose something because I didn't back it up, it must not have been that important.

I looked for a way to get refunds for the two services I’m not using, but Dell makes it very hard to find that information. I lobbed a couple emails into two different places that looked like they might be the right spots; one elicited an auto reply telling me to take a deep breath as we “look forward to serving you as soon as possible. As of now we are experiencing unexpected high email volume due to festive season, this may delay the response to your request for assistance.” The other one got no reply.

I’m keeping this machine and software until another Bush takes office, but next time I’m not buying during "festive season."

My State of the Union Dilemma

I got a totally unnecessary text from Buzzard this morning reminding me that the speech and the Ohio State-Purdue basketball game both start at 9:00 p.m. eastern tonight. While I responded that “this is why God invented the DVR” I’m not sure yet which one will get the delayed viewing.

On the one hand Buzz went to Purdue and I Ohio State, which presents a unique trash-texting opportunity. The Buckeyes are 20-0 and ranked #1, but Purdue is also highly ranked and 17-3. A game like this would normally have my full focus for the evening.

But the Obama University-Southwest GOP State game is looking pretty interesting too. OU is definitely on a mini-winning streak at the moment, with the latest polls putting him at a 55% approval rating – his highest in months. Expect more easy-listening rhetoric.

And then we have the post-speech SWGOPS rebuttal in which Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) will call Obama a socialist and promise to balance the budget without mentioning that he will also eliminate Social Security, Medicare, Pell Grants, the Post Office and the FDA along the way.

We also have the unusual seating arrangements to look forward to, wherein the two teams have decided to have their respective pep squads sitting intermingled like some kind of bi-partisan daisy chain; although I gather Mitch McConnell has decided to scowl his way through the President’s speech apart from any opposing team fans and will instead sit next to and hold hands with Supreme Court Justice Thomas whose wife is out of town stalking Anita Hill.

I think it’s unlikely this new interparty sociability will lead to any sustained political cooperation but I am hoping it cuts down on the standing ovations which are more numerous every year. At Ohio State games we do the standing “O-H-I-O!” cheer but only during time outs; Congress leaps to its feet in response to every innocuous of comment creating time outs which will be especially annoying tonight when each standing O delays the start of the game another 90 seconds.

Washington is second only to Hollywood in gratuitous self-congratulations; they need Ricky Gervais to MC the SOTU speech or at least a Big Ten ref to call a few “delay of game” technicals.

Playoff picks and potpourri

Wow. Is it Saturday night already? I lose track sometimes. Well, it’s time to get tomorrow’s picks on the record. I’m feeling a lot of pressure sitting here 4-0 after last week.

I just love the idea of the Packers and Bears facing off to get into the Super Bowl on a torn up field in sub-freezing temperatures on a Sunday afternoon in late January; especially since I’ll be watching it from my couch in Florida. I’m going with the Bears at home in a very close and low-scoring game.

There is no way the Jets can beat the Stillers twice in Pittsburgh in the same year. There’s no way Troy Palamaulou allows that to happen. And yet, I’m going with the J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS all the way this year. However I do hope Braylon knocks himself out on a failed, post-game back flip.

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I’m very curious to know the story behind Keith Olbermann’s sudden and mysterious departure from MSNBC. I’ve never liked him even a little, but I hope there isn’t some unseemly scandal behind it. He was the only talking head the liberals had on TV with any real following.

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Ben Stiller has more Twitter followers than Sarah Palin.

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It was kind of a lost week for me so you may well have read both David Brooks and Paul Krugman in the Times last Friday the 21^st. Each addressed the apparently uncrossable divide separating the political left and right in the country today. Krugman’s “A Tale of Two Moralities” explained the gap from a structural standpoint while Brooks’ “Tree of Failure” looked at from the perspective of the current social atmosphere. Both are interesting in their own right but together they are fascinating.

d'Blank goes 4-0!

I hope you all went to Vegas on my picks this weekend. I'm selling next week's selections for $20. (Oh yeah, Fenway was also 4-0 but I picked first.)

NFL playoff picks

Time again for the annual Daily Blank NFL playoff picks. I strongly urge you to liquidate all your assets, fly to Vegas, and put it all on my picks this year. Don’t let the following facts deter you in the slightest.

1. I have watched exactly two NFL games from start to finish this year. The first was the Browns-Jets game which I had to watch with no sound in some dumpy sports bar in Florida.
   
2. The second was the Browns-Dolphins game live in Miami. You will note that neither the Browns nor the Dolphins will be competing in the playoffs this year.
3. During several years of participation in my office fantasy football league I was routinely beaten by at least half of the women and both gay guys.

So, that said, I predict the following with complete confidence:

• Ravens @ Steelers. I won’t be watching this one. For me it’s like watching the Taliban v. the Nazis knowing not only that one team will win but that it is also unlikely that a Tsunami will hit the stadium during the game wiping out both teams and their revolting fans. Ray Lewis is the devil. Stillers by 3.
• Packers @ Falcons. Don’t hate either team. Used to be mildly anti-Packers due to their having too much success, but I’m over that now and like their small town roots and old school unis. Packers by 3.
• Seahawks @ Bears. I saw much of their improbable win over NO, but can’t believe the ‘Hawks are for real. We’re looking at a high of 22° in Shacaga Sunday. I say the dome-boys fold. Bears by 10.
• Jets @ Pats. Hate Bellychuck. Hate Braylon. Brady played for Michigan. Santonio and Mangold were both Buckeyes. My upset special: Jets by 1.

A recipe for domestic tranquility

Are you tired of the same old cold leftovers served up by the prevailing political ruling class? Here is a fun and easy way to combine the things that are already in the fridge to make a tasty new dish for national consumption. This stuff is just going stale anyway; we might as well use it up.

Take the following steps:

1. Fill our prisons with as many drug users and low-level dealers as possible, diverting as many legal resources as possible from pursuing, prosecuting and imprisoning the most dangerous criminals.
2. Refuse to fill as many judgeships as possible in order to checkmate your political foes and keep them from rewarding their own political sympathizers.
3. Empty the mental institutions and make it as hard as possible to hold someone for mental evaluation in the name of patients' rights. (This step has the added advantage of freeing-up funds to build more prisons to hold all the dangerous marijuana growers.)
4. Make it as easy as possible for anyone to own a gun. Refuse to put any reasonable restrictions on gun ownership and make the few conditions you do have ineffective. Let anyone who wants one have a Glock and 33 load clips. Hell, let’s give ‘em bazookas.
5. The above step will create a healthy firearms industry; export as much as possible of the excess production to Mexico, helping to destabilize our closest neighbor.
6. Add a massive portion of common theft by the most privileged, best educated members of society and do not punish them in any way for their destruction of trillions of dollars of Americans’ savings. In fact, reward them with a $700 billion tax cut.
7. Add a pinch of liberal demogodery and a pound and a half of Fox News.
8. Now put it all in a hot oven set to 10% unemployment (with another 10-15% underemployed).
9. Borrow as much money as you possibly can to make as much of this soup as you can. Give no thought what-so-ever to whether you'll ever be able to repay the money.
   

This should produce a really tasty treat that all members of your family will enjoy for years to come.