Tuesday, December 9, 2008

New Car Czar?

I love Congress. They berated the car execs for asking for half as much money as Congress thinks they will really need, and then they gave them half of what they asked for. But at least half of the Midwest won’t be unemployed for Christmas.

Now it’s time to find the new Car Czar to oversee the renaissance of Detroit. This post is seeking your nominations, and I’ll get the ball rolling with a few suggestions. Here are three in no particular order:

1. Billie Gibbons of ZZ Top, in part because we need someone in government who looks like this, but this is also a man who knows cars. One look at his custom Cadzilla is all you need to know the truth of it.

2. Michael Vick, former Atlanta Falcons’ quarterback (currently residing in Leavenworth, Kansas). Mike is another car lover. In fact, he bought a $99,500 Mercedes S550 on the day he left for Leavenworth. Used a debit card to pay for it. Mike has bought dozens of cars of all types in his young life. You can read about how he spent over $18 million in two years in a recent Atlanta Journal article. That kind of power-spending could be very useful when you consider how much new money Detroit will have to spend.

3. Jay Leno. Jay is one of the great car collectors of all times, and is particularly knowledgeable about Detroit iron. He has a great web site that shows off his collection with both still and video art. And of course, he is a funny guy, and I have a feeling we’re really going to need a sense of humor before we work ourselves out of this mess.

26 comments:

fenway said...

Whoa! What about the Guv of Illinois being arrested for wanting to 'sell' BHO's Senate seat. Maybe what I read was an Onion post on NYT?

Birdman said...

Michael Vick won't be available for a while -- a good pick nonetheless. A possible placeholder could be Shaquille O'Neal. I remember when he bought $40,000 in lottery tickets. It's just that kind of "outside the box" thinking that will permit us to wriggle out of this mess.

Blagoyevitch is quite the politician. His favorability numbers make GWB look like Santa Claus.

Gaga said...

I dont know how much he knows about running a car company. But, my nominee is an expert at dealing with graft & corruption,which I think should be taught in school today. My man,the soon to be released from federal prison & friend to crooks in congress & the mob,a longtime friend & native son,from the Mahoning Valley,James Traficant.

kgwhit said...

Joe Gibbs is a possibility. He won three super bowls and three Nascar Championships. He also knows how to put up with asses from his years working with Dan Snyder. An added perk is that he has a house in the DC area. It makes great sense to run the car industry hundreds of miles from Detroit.

rsb said...

My write in ballot nominee is Kenneth Feinberg.

d'blank said...

Hu dat?

Anonymous said...

I vote for the Car Guys on NPR. They not only know cars, they have PhDs (so they are smart) and they are funny. In this dismal economy, we could use humor, as if the request for handouts wasn't laughable enough.

rsb said...

Kenneth Feinberg is the man who was responsible for giving out the money to 911 victims.

BTW, when I lived in Los Angeles I once saw Jay Leno driving his
1931 Bentley W.O.

d'blank said...

Tom and Ray Magliozzi. Excellent suggestion. Both are MIT grads.

kgwhit said...

What is Lee Iacooca doing? He knows how to spend bailout money.

gaga said...

Click & Clack very good suggestion, but can we get them to stop laughing long enough to get something done. Although,I'v listened to them plenty. They sound like their on Honda or Toyotas payroll. My next pick is myself. I could use the work & know what a fine ride is. 50 something Mercury's for everyone.
Would'nt this be a good time to introduce mass transit to the rest of the USA? Lets put people to work making train cars & buses & the rust belt making steel for track, or tractors & start feeding the world.

leslies said...

How 'bout an airline guy....? They seem to keep dying much needed industries afloat (pun intended.)

All I can think of is:
"What's the best was to become a millionaire in the airline business?"

"Start as a billionaire."

Woody said...

How about Michael Milken for car czar? He is the originator of the junk bond so he would be a perfect fit. Blagoyevitch will be the fourth Illinois govenor to serve jail time. Unlike Blago the other three were Republicans. Remember Dan Rostenkowski another famous Illinois politician who ended up in prison. Must be the toxins in Lake Michigan. There is hope for Obama, Presidents Lincoln and Reagan were born in Illinois.

AY said...

J.D. Power, if he's still alive!

Fistinyoface said...

I nominate OJ Simpson. He knows how to make tough personnel cuts, without letting his emotions get in the way.
Robert Blake should be his assistant car czar. He had a '66 Caddy I liked and was great on those STP commercials. Blake also knows a thing or three about eliminating excess overhead.

Another goddamn Czar? We’ve got a Drug czar, Wall. St. Czar, Security Czar, Environmental Czar…now they want a Cyber Czar and a friggin’ car Czar? Here’s a news-flash for na├»ve nitwits (you know who you are) Statist economic policy in Russia hardly began in 1917. Government in Russia always played a leading role in the economy, and in no European country were the ideas of laissez-faire less influential. The Russian economy was thus a perfect example of mercantilism, the incestuous alliance between government and legally privileged business interests.

Sound familiar, folks?

The Nik said...

I think you are leaving out what should be the most obvious choice, your nephew - moi. What I wouldn't do for a piece of that government welf... uh, I mean, bureaucra... I am a mere servant of the general populus. Get me a hotel meeting room, a keg of light beer and some bootleg episodes of Top Gear and rest assured nobody will be making anything resembling a Pontiac Aztek or PT Cruiser ever again.

Surely Charly or one of her classmates knows Obama personally and could pull a few strings or at the very least put in a good word for me? Or is this post more of a "bleeping golden Blagojevich thing"?

Gaga said...

Followup to my nomination of James Traficant: Readers of The Warren Tribune were asked if they would vote for him again. 63% said that they would.

The Other DBlank said...

If anyone thinks an outsider should be the new Car Czar I have two words for you - "Pontiac Aztek"! The last President of GM North America was Ron Zirela, who came to GM from Bausch & Lomb. He made all sorts of product decisions and this was one of them. His position was eliminated after he left to go back to Bausch & Lomb. In a departing interview he conceeded that a good looking vehicle was more important then marketing. Duh!

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