The most irritating commercials on TV are for the Scooter Store. They aren’t irritating in the manner of a “clapper” ad, or the really graphic anti-diarrhea spots. These are irritating because they encourage people on the periphery of need to use Medicare funds for these dubious devices. The people in the ads are always really cute granny types who obviously need help getting to church or out to help at the Girl Scout bake sale. But who actually uses these machines? You urbanites may not see many of them, but I’ve spent the last few months visiting my local Wal-Mart on at least a weekly basis. Here is the “truth-in-advertising” version* of the testimonials that promote the Scooter Store:
“Hi! How do you like my new scooter from the Scooter Store? It didn’t cost me a nickel. The friendly people at the Scooter Store showed me how to scam Medicare (and you – the taxpayer) and my insurance company (and you – the premium payer) into paying for the whole thing!
After spending a lifetime eating whatever I wanted, never exercising, and watching my weight sore to 400 lbs, I found walking to the fridge a real chore. The folks at the Scooter Store felt my pain and assured me that never walking anywhere was my right as an American! So call today and let the knowledgeable, friendly staff at the Scooter Store show you how to get your friends and neighbors to pay for a new scooter so your fat ass will never have to walk anywhere again. Don’t delay. Call today.”
* My apologies in advance to anyone who actually needs one of these rolling fat-boy carts.
Topic #2: I always take my ear buds to the gym to plug into the sound system while I’m on the elliptical. One bud is marked with an L (left) and the other with an R (right). Yesterday, for at least the twentieth straight time, when I looked down I found that I had R in my left hand and L in my right. I say “at least” because it had probably happened another 10-20 times before I started counting. This seems like a near mathematical impossibility to me. One of you must have the math skills to calculate the odds. I am perplexed.
So I guess you can tell I’m reaching for topics. Forgive me but I am hugely distracted as we are in the process of sorting through 30 years of life’s accumulations, and packing them up in preparation of moving out of our house at the end of the month – our fourth major move in 3-1/2 years. This is leaving me little time for the deep thought and rigorous research that normally goes into these posts.
Posts
