Joke of the weekend

A guy enters the “10 items or fewer” line at a supermarket in Cambridge, Mass. with an overflowing basket containing many more than ten items. As he begins unloading his cart, the comely young cashier says to the man, “Why, you must attend either Harvard or MIT.”

The man puffs up at this and replies, “Why yes I do, but how ever did you know?”

“Well, there’s a sign right in front of you that says ‘Ten items or fewer’ so either you attend MIT and can’t read, or Harvard and can’t count.”

[The above courtesy of “Car Talk” this morning. BTW, where did Larry Summers go to school?]

Good news, according to a Pizza Hut commercial playing today on ESPN, they have revamped and “simplified” their menu so that it has no more “confusing combinations or math.” Finally, someone is doing something to help people too stupid to read a Pizza Hut menu.

Great moments in the green movement: Earlier this week, Frito-Lay, the manufacturers of Sun Chips, announced that they will cease selling the snack in the world’s first compostable bag. The reason? Consumers complained in large numbers that the packaging was “too loud,” thus proving once again, that no personal inconvenience is too small to be rejected by consumers in their mindless pursuit of whatever the hell they want. Resistance took the form of at least six different Facebook groups protesting the annoyingly loud bags.

How I danced before my knees got old.

A joke

St. Peter has a doctor appointment and asks Jesus if he’ll watch the Pearly Gates for him for an hour or so until he gets back.
Jesus says, “Sure – but what do I do?”
“It’s easy” replies St. Pete. “When someone shows up you just look them up in the book to see if they are on the list. If they are, let them in; if not, have them wait on the bench over there until I return.”
“Sounds easy” Jesus relies, and off goes St. Peter. In a matter of minutes the first person comes tottering up the path to the gates. A very feeble old man steps up to Jesus, who asks the old man his name.
“I don’t know.” he says.
Jesus tries another approach: “Well then, where are you from?”
“I don’t know.” the man repeats.
“Well I have to find you in the book or I can’t let you in. Do you remember anything about your life that might help me find you?” Jesus asks.
“Well, I remember that I was a carpenter, and that I had a son, who was greatly admired by millions from the time of his birth.” responded the old man.
Dumbfounded, Jesus opens his arms wide and cries, “father?”
“Pinocchio – is that you?” asked the old man.

I got that joke from Murphy’s Saloon, which continues to be my favorite podcast. If you like the blues I can’t recommend it highly enough. That reminds -- I forgot to give credit for the last joke I posted on 9/3 ...thanks Nigel.

If you are a joke fan, I also recommend the site “Old Jews Telling Jokes.” The jokes are old too, but the delivery makes them well worth hearing again.

Another podcast I’m really enjoying is The Moth. It was started by the southern writer George Dawes Green. Each episode is only about 10 minutes long and consists of a single person telling a personal story, without a script or notes. The stories can be about anything. Recently I listened to a retired NYC detective talk about tracking a fugitive, a guy describing his first trip to Burning Man, and a gay teenager talking about beating up a bully who was tormenting him. They are very personal and real.

I’m looking forward to reading “The Spies of Warsaw,” by Alan Furst. I got interested after reading Steve Dougherty’s piece in last Sunday’s New York Times travel section, in which Steve visited the Warsaw haunts of said spies. Doc is my hero. He has a way of talking editors into sending him to cool places where he can explore his exotic interests on their dime, including St. Petersburg, Russia and a Moroccan music festival.

Are any of you familiar with Studs Terkel’s work? I want to read something by him but I don’t know what to start with. Any ideas?

Post-turkey blues

I'm still awakening from my tryptophan-induced comma and basically have nothing to say, except that the market is down over 400 points now that it turns out we've been in a recession for over a year already. In lieu of originality, I shall reprint a joke recently sent to me by the Hankster, that perfectly captures the zeitgeist:

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Chuck said, "'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998."
The farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs.