Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I dream of Martha

I know, I’ve been AWOL. It isn’t writer’s block. As originally stated above: “I have more opinions than opportunities to express them, so I created this blog.” But I’m finding the current state of things so confusing I don’t even know my own opinion on most issues.

So let me tell you about this dream I had last night. I was selected by the president of the club where I play golf to take Martha Stewart on a tour of the course. For some reason we made this tour at night, and it looked more like the foothills of the Rockies than my actual course. I suspect this was my subconscious describing the way the course typically plays for me.

We were on foot and I had to carry a lot of Martha’s stuff, which made it a long hike. Since it was dark, Martha didn’t really seem overly impressed with the vistas, but we happened to come up behind the 11th green just at sunrise and it was spectacular.

We went up to the clubhouse to have breakfast. Martha asked me to open the big book she had me lugging along, which was a detailed profile of every person she had ever met. She was sure she’d been to this club before and dined with a man named Fred. I was able to find the profile, and Fred turned out to be this guy I used to work with when I lived in Ohio. He had morphed from a 280 pound, bearded, tattooed, member of the United Steel Worker's Union, into a pink and green bedecked, boat-shoe wearing, über-clubbie.

At this point, Fred showed up for the meal, which had turned into a dinner with lots of wine. Martha then suggested that I come home with her because the book was too heavy for her to carry. I got nervous. (I know where this part of the dream came from. Dinah Shore had a thing for a guy for whom I used to work, and she was always calling his hotel room late at night asking him to come to her room to “help her” with something. Very creepy.)

Anyway, when I hesitated, Fred jumped in and offered his assistance, which seemed to be just fine with Martha.

They left together. I went out and played 18 with Bernie Kozar.

13 comments:

warrenout said...

There is bad dreams and then there is that. I would agree with your premise of not sure what your opinions are on the most pressing issues of the day. Like a dysfunctional team who tears itself apart when they are consistent losers, We, as Americans are doing the same. We all need to go back to work. It wouldn't solve all the problems, but it would help.

Woody said...

d'blank, That dream can be analyzed for hours. I would suggest emergency psychotherapy. If you do not seek help, I fear that you will never make a 3 foot putt again.

DMJ said...

What did you shoot?
(since you didn't score)

Gaga said...

I'm abit concerned about the absence of a train or a tunnel. I for one like Marthas' bitchness & would have made the move.Then again Dinah Shore would have impaired my thoughts & we'd have done battle if Donna Reed had shown up. My advice, try not to kill anyone at a funeral for awhile.

Birdman said...

Important question. Was this pre- or post- prison Martha? Also, I've played your course a number of times and it really is that hilly. Gaga has quite a rich fantasy life what with Donna Reed and Martha Stewart. Brings new meaning to "old school".

Woody, three foot putts are a challenge under the best of circumstances.

Dennis, this is the kind of post that can go off in many interesting directions. good job.

Gaga said...

On the subject of old school fantacy & bitchness, I remember Squirrel telling me about a dream in which Bird was her.... oh wait, that was real life. Never mind.
Keep it light during hard times.

MikeyLikesIt said...

One thing's for sure, in their prime, far better to be pawed by Dinah Shore than Martha Stewart. Who wants to have sex with a perfectionist, much less the ultimate perfectionist? I don't know if Dinah was straight or gay (her LPGA tournament had quite the reputation) but she seemed to know how to have fun.

d'blank said...

I think these comments are more psychologically revealing than the accounting of my dream.

Hankster said...

Which one of Bernie Madoff's books did you say this was?

The Nik said...

I'm just glad to know that I am not the only one to dream such strange dreams. I usually get very uncomfortable listening to other's recount their dreams because theirs seem so realistic and believable while mine, much like yours in this example, seem so surreal. Hear a 30 second news report in passing on a celebrity who then becomes the main character of your dream or looking down at your lap during breakfast only to find the table set for dinner when you look back up? Sounds like something straight from my REM cycles!

I only wish there was a way to record our dreams.

Gaga said...

Dinah may have been a switch hitter. She had the tour & Burt Reynolds. It's good to lighten up.

kgwhit said...

As a Jewish girl from Winchester Tennessee, I'm sure Dinah Shore was unsure of her preferences sexual or otherwise.
It is worth noting that nearly fifteen years since her demise, her TV sponsor is on life support. Who can forget "See the USA in your Chevrolet...?"

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