Kabuki Kongriss

If the theater is where we go to pretend, then surely there is no more delusional stage than our Kabuki Kongriss. Last week the House passed a new financial regulation bill. The Democrats are pretending that it is actually meaningful reform. The Republicans (100% of whom voted against it) are pretending that they were saving America from bureaucratic strangulation. Both parties are pretending that the financial services industry didn’t really give members of Congress $344 million in the first nine months of 2009. That is an annualized average take of a little over $857,000 per member of the House and Senate. But of course this had no bearing on anyone’s role in either writing a toothless joke of a reform bill, or on voting against it to prove what a macho conservative one is.

But no worries; the Senate now gets to remove whatever meaningful provisions the bill contains before sending it back to the House. If the Senate can drag its feet long enough they may be able to get the financial lobbies to throw in an extra $100 mil or so.
Next up: pretend health care reform.

In other Congressional action, the Senate also began an investigation into the collegiate football playoff system. According to Jimmy Fallon, “In a related note, the NCAA has begun to explore options for getting out of Afghanistan.”

Joke of the Week: What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa usually stops after three ho’s.

According to Gary Trudeau, “Twitter is the first rough draft of gossip.”

Finally, thank you all so much for your support of my new cowbell career. Who knew so many of you were into cowbelliana? The inside bell technique described by McRik was simply my attempt to recreate the sound that I hear inside my own head whenever I hear Joe Lieberman attempt to explain how he reached a particular political position.

One thing all the books tell you is that you need to have goals in order to have a happy and successful retirement, and I confess that I’ve been struggling in this regard. However, I am delighted to announce today that in January I will be enrolling in “The Bruce Dickenson Cowbell Academy,” located in beautiful Punta Mantua, Florida. It is now my dream to one day perform the cowbell trifecta of (Don’t) Fear the Reaper, Mississippi Queen and Time Has Come Today at Carnegie Hall -- accompanied by the Prowlers, of course.

The social season is really heating up now. I’m not sure when I’ll be back so let me wish you Happy Holidays now in case I fall off the map in an egg nog stupor. Going to Babbo tonight with Buzzard and a couple of hot ladies. Can’t wait to get on the outside of some BBQ sweetbreads.