Tiger Woods’ recent problems offer an opportunity to examine one of those things everyone knows is true. I speak of the principle that the only way to deal with an embarrassing laps in personal deportment is to “get out in front of it” and “come clean with the complete truth” before it is inevitably made public via a long, Chinese-water torture, process of daily embarrassing revelations.Like most bits of common wisdom there is an element of truth here; in all likelihood holding back will keep the dogs digging for more bones, and they are going to find some, but let’s examine this more closely. First of all, who is it that is dispensing all this sage advice to the philanderers, dog killers and drug users of America? Members of the working media, people selling advice books and other “experts,” as defined by 25-year-old Good Morning America and the Today Show associate producers.
The “experts” say that Tiger should have come clean to them, which is just a bit of a conflict of interest, isn’t it? And really, how realistic is that advice? They would have had Tiger stepping in front of the cameras, while the Escalade was still resting on its side, fessing up to who-the-hell-knows-how-many extra marital affairs in advance of their discovery. This just isn’t the way the male mind works. Deny, deny, deny is DNA hard-wired in men’s brains as the only reasonable response. As Richard Pryor once claimed to have said to one of his wives when she caught him in bed with another woman, “Who are you gonna believe baby? Me or your lyin’ eyes?”
But let’s say one was able to overcome the power of genetics; is the advice actually any good? I say no. The experts think they got the best of Tiger because they uncovered 3-4 of his playing partners. Well, what if there we actually 25 of them? Don’t the undiscovered five foursomes potentially save him tens of millions on his newly renegotiated prenuptial agreement?
Then there is the argument that stonewalling the media will inevitably lead to a ruined public image and lessening of celebrity-driven earning power. This is clearly horse hockey. Buzzard and I were discussing the issue on the phone yesterday during the Florida-Alabama game, and here is a very partial list of celebrities who did not come clean after some sort of public indiscretion: Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, Ray Lewis, David Letterman, Bill Clinton, Kobe Bryant, Rob Lowe, Alex Rodriguez, Hugh Grant, and Eddie Murphy. Crack a beer and make your own list. It will be twice as long as ours before the foam settles.
Are any of these guys wandering penniless in the wilderness? No. Letterman’s ratings actually went up after his partial non-apology. Kobe is King of the NBA. They all earn millions a year. With the exception of Slick Willie, the expert’s advice may actually be true for politicians, but I think that’s only because nobody likes them before they screw-up so there is no reservoir of good will to draw upon.
So take my advice. If you get caught at whatever, don’t talk to the media, don’t admit anything, take as long a vacation as you can to the most remote place you can find, and when you come back, pretend nothing ever happened - this is America where everything is forgotten sooner or later.
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11 comments:
The man is a pig. He was texting from his own home,while his kids were there. If Earl was still around Tiger would have his face slapped. The sanctity of marriage takes another hit.I say there is no difference. Same sex marriage just scored another hit. I say good for them.Oh, I say Nike drops him or changes his contract by the end of Janurary. Guess what all of us will be tuned to see how he handles all of this comes Easter at the Masters. Oh,Agree. Write nothing down and Deny Deny Deny. Slick Willie would of been able to escape.Foiled by the spooge stained smegma infested blue dress that was kept by strumpet with the big cow horns.
"There but for the short attention spans and short memory of my peers go I"
Forgetting is also a part of human nature.
I've done quite a few things that I'd rather not my friends nor family remember. But most of my transgressions or faux pas occurred before the era of the internet, where charges against you whether they be real or imagined, and you guilty or innocent, will electronically follow you forever. Unless, of course you have a seemingly difficult to spell name, in which case I have been doubly blessed.
Makes you wonder what his kids or grandkids or great-grandkids will think and feel when they Google his name.
Both Iran and China have taken said tack.
There's always a vacation walking the Apallachian Trail
Yeah, that was the exception that proves the rule.
Next stop...Oprah!
First he was known for his long putts Now we know he also has a long putz!
Not all associate producers on the Today show are 25. My daughter is one and she is 26.
Her reaction, and the reaction of her jaded peers, was who cares.
let he who is without sin throw that first stone. because he needs something to do to distract himself from the unhappy truth that other people are having illicit fun and he isn't.
throughout history, people who can sleep around and get away with it usually do. that doesn't mean it's a nice thing to do to your wife, girlfriend, kids, whatever. it's not, and that's why there are consequences (including your wife chasing your ass with a golf club and smashing your rear view window as you try to drive away). but it clearly answers some obviously real need for an awful lot of people. why the great unwashed public thinks it's interesting except as a comment on their own past indiscretions or lack thereof, I can't figure.
it's not like Tiger Woods has been holding forth on the sanctity of marriage before all this. in fact, hard to imagine a guy who has had less to say about anything but golf. so there's no Jimmy Swaggart comeuppance factor here. nor did any of the women allege they were raped or manhandled in an unwelcome way, as with Kobe. they all seemed to be pretty thrilled about it. so why does everybody care so much? mostly because they wish they could get away with it. which is really the ultimate endorsement.
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