Thursday, October 9, 2008

Global financial crisis spreads

You may have already heard about the troubles in Japan: Yesterday the Origami Bank folded. Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while trading in Kamikaze Bank shares was suspended after they nose-dived. Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks. Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop, and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal. And finally, there has been a tidal wave of foreclosures at Tsunami Bank.

The Blitzkrieg Bank, after expanding rapidly through a series of hostile takeovers in Poland and Czechoslovakia, found its expansion plans stalled when its credit and cash supply lines were stretched to breaking as it entered the highly competitive Russian market. The Gasuntheit Bank has found the recent economic climate very chilly. The Shadenfrued Bank avoided making loans in the risky subprime mortgage markets, and is now very sorry to hear about the troubles plaguing its competitors. The Löwenbräu Bank was drunk with profits from marketing CDOs but now finds itself suffering from a serious default hangover.

Have any of you heard of similar problems in the global economy?

14 comments:

kgwhit said...

So the bailout was passed by the house on Friday. Garsh darnit it seems to have fixed the problem as Sarah Palin might say.

The Dow has only lost 19% of its value since the bailout went through.

The bailout was to send a message that there was no need to panic as Paulson was coming in to save the day.

To paraphase, "you are doing a heck of job Paulie."

Then again just how close is the relationship between Bill Ayers and the black muslim terrorist? Inquiring minds want to know.

d'blank said...

KG -- I thought you were for the "middle-class tax cut and family-friendly refinance bill" or did i miss-read you?

I actually liked your name for it better but it escapes me at the moment.

Gaga said...

PAGING

DR. HOWARD DR. FINE DR. HOWARD DR. FINE

warrenout said...

That would be the law firm of dewey cheetam and howe.I think they are on retainer for barney frank.And just how in the hell is the eagle scout going to even try or think he can try cleaning up after a really bad frat party on capitol hill.

warrenout said...

Since the media has made alarmists of all of us . I'm sure since this down trend is all due to the republicans led by Bush Chaney. I bet that BUFF Michael Moore will make a movie about how we were all fooled and it involved trickery and geometric logic left over from Vodoo economics of the republican right.or Maybe we can see Rosie fight Palin in a mixed bunkhouse match; or maybe just maybe we see the dow settle down tomorrow and some real substance come out of the NY debate next week or at least a real zinger that we can carry into polls.

Birdman said...

The Au Revoir Bank waved good bye to its profits for the foseeable future.

The Mexican government announced it was building a fence at the US border to stop illegal immigration.

I'm just thankful my wife works for the federal government.

None of the bailout money has reached the system yet. I've heard that the thing that generates cash is the selling of equities (stocks). When the bailout money hits the system, hopefully that will ease pressure. What do I know?

I do want to know about that relationship between Ayers and Obama. That's going to set the markets straight.

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